The holidays. They’re supposed to be the happiest time of the year, right? A season of joy, filled with love and light. But for someone like me, living with manic depression, the holidays are complicated. They’re a kaleidoscope of feelings—some beautiful, others devastating. Everywhere I look, I see reminders of the perfect holiday: smiling faces, glittering decorations, and laughter ringing out like a song I can’t quite sing. And I want to feel that joy. I try to feel that joy. But some days, it feels impossible to climb out from under the weight of my own mind. The Pressure to Be “Okay” There’s an unspoken rule during the holidays: you smile, you celebrate, and you show up. But what if you don’t have it in you? What if your heart is too heavy, your thoughts too chaotic, or your body too exhausted to keep up? Manic depression is a cruel companion. On some days, mania whispers in my ear, pushing me to do everything —to buy all the gifts, bake all the treats, decorate every corner...
When the Storm Rages Within Living with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and manic depression often feels like being trapped in a cage—one not made of iron bars but of invisible walls pressing in from all sides. On the worst days, it’s as if a storm rages inside, a storm no one else can see or understand. Explaining what it feels like becomes impossible; words falter and fail, leaving you isolated in a whirlwind of chaos and silence. I wrote this haiku to capture some of that struggle: Caged within my mind, walls unseen yet pressing close, a storm with no end. Words falter, fail, break apart, shattered echoes in the dark. The voices that rise within are loud, confusing, and relentless. Each one demands to be heard, but none of them seem to speak for me. They steal my peace, replace it with fear, and bury any attempt at clarity under layers of noise. A thousand voices, each one screaming to be heard, yet none speak for me. I reach for light, but it hides, trapped in shadows, trapp...