Aspiring Poet, heartfelt thoughts.I Have Dystonia, bipolar, and an Avid Southern Gospel Music fan

  Oh boy, anxiety. Let’s talk about the glorious mess that is anxiety and how it differs from your everyday nervousness. Spoiler alert: one is like having a mildly annoying mosquito buzzing around your ear, and the other is like being trapped in a room with a swarm of killer bees. Fun times, right? So, picture this: you're about to give a presentation. Normal nerves are those little butterflies flapping around in your stomach. They're there, but you can still get through your presentation without wanting to crawl under the podium and stay there forever. You might sweat a bit, maybe stumble over a word or two, but overall, you survive. You might even pat yourself on the back afterward, thinking, "Hey, that wasn't so bad!" Now, enter clinical anxiety. This isn’t just butterflies—it’s like having a full-on Jurassic Park T-Rex stomping around in your head. Your heart races like it’s training for the Olympics, your mind spirals into a vortex of "What ifs,"

   One Very new symptom for me to understand was stress. before I got this disease I really did not get "stressed" about things because I didn't understand it. I would go through my day and whatever would happen would happen, and I would leave it at work, and I would come home and my wife would be under stress, and I can remember asking her why? This disease gave me the answer I was looking for in that category.    Things that most people would not consider stress I , or should I say my mental state has caused me to see as stress, and when a Dystonic patient has extra stress added to there daily routine they are likely to feel worse and have more storms. For me any type of argument is hard for me to take if it is real, my brain does not deal with it well, and I do not know if this is the case with my other siblings or if this is just me. I can tell if 2 people are playfully arguing, but when it gets into a heated discussion my body brain goes crazy, and that is when I am

Imagine if you will that in the blink of an eye everything you knew changed. Everything you could do every exercise you enjoyed, every sport you Loved to play, and your job, that you say you hate, but really you don't want SSDI, was taken away. Put yourself there for a minute or even a second. Picture what your life would be like, the drastic changes that would have to be made the financial cuts of things you enjoyed were no longer affordable. If you played an instrument you may not be able to play it with this disease there is no end to what it can effect, or a sport you loved to play, no longer even an option, and all in a span of about 12 hours. This is my life.   This is the reality for every Dystonia patient and if they are old enough to remember they remember when everything changed. for me it was October 16, 2016. I started like a normal day except I had ear pain. I went to work thinking nothing of it assuming that it was one of my ear infections that I usually once or

I have yet another doctors appointment tomorrow at 9 in the morning. It seems to me that all I do is visit doctors. I think I keep the medical field in business or at least keep my doctor in his Mercedes. This time it is to discuss new medication for my Neuropothy, or at least that is what they think it is. I think my mental state is I have given up on doctors try to sort out what I have and what I do not have,  at this point I think they are just coming up with big words to describe symptoms that they cannot explain.     So far no one has been able to explain why or what causes a Dystonic storm they just know it is not an epileptic seizure, and that it is not a seizure of any kind. It just when the brain desides to throe random signals around in your brain that cause your arms and legs to twist, and it causes some type of mental issues when it does, but in there defense the brain is very complex. I just wish sometimes they would say that they did not know, but as for anyone those wor