Remembering Grandpa

Interesting Day so far in my world of Dystonia. I woke up and couldn't move at all. I was trapped, which happens from time to time, but a little scary none the less. I was aware of what was going on around me. but no one else could tell. a full body charlie horse is what I would refer the pain as. My body slowly came around to where I could move except my legs. They had decided they were not going anywhere for awhile. and that pain in a twisting pain. If feels like every muscle in your legs are twisting and turning.
  As you can tell I was finally able to get up and around, but very slowly. usually I am not in this much pain on a Daily basis the pain seems to come and go, but it has not subsided today, and there is no reason for it.
  I guess a good day as any for a Dr. Appt. I imagine he won't have any answers either.
   My mind had become so erratic! I never used to get angry or frustrated at things, but that part of my personality had changed. I read my post from yesterday, and it is amazing to me the thoughts that I had. Today my mind has settled down some. I look at pictures of my Grandpa and there is something about him those pictures that my brain goes back to. Fun times that I can look back on. Staying the night at grandma and grandpa's apartment, and he taught me the strategic side of baseball that most people do not know! He could even guess what pitch was going to be thrown next based on the position of the outfield and infield. I could not have asked for a better Grandpa, and maybe that is why the Lord had these memories stored in the back of my mind because he knew one day I would need them! I wish I had more time with him, but that was not to be. I cannot explain why these pictures relax my mind, but they do. Sometimes they make me smile sometimes they make me cry,but they always help. He stands just Like I do which is funny because you get traits from your grand parents without even knowing it. I am frustrated.
  I did get an awesome visit from my Pastor yesterday, and the Lord Knew I needed that. He was very encouraging, and I am thankful that we have the Pastor that we have he has a Love for his congregation that I think is unparalleled In this day and age by most pastors, I might be biased a little :-). We visited for quite awhile, which we had not done for quite sometime. I think the Lord Brought him by to make me appreciate what kind of Pastor that we have. My mind is all over the map most of the time, and today is no exeption, but these pictures, the remembering of my childhood puts my mind at ease. Someone explain that to me. I have many issues, complications that no one can give me an answer of why I feel a certain way, or why my mind goes to dark places. It is part of the curse I suppose. I would like to go back to work, but most of the companies that say they will hire and accommodate the Disabled really do not it is just something that they have to say so they can be an equal opportunity employer even thought they really are not.
   I am having trouble walking today my legs do not want to move so I move my hips to get them to move. The Pain is something I cannot describe but it is constant so if when I right my thoughts seem irritated, I apologize, but that is really the way my mind is feeling at the moment. This Disease takes its toll on your mind and every part of your being there is not one phase that it does not touch. So if sometimes I look angry Just pray for me! you might not know what I am dealing with at that moment.
 Most of the time I am not sure what state of mind I am in except I know it is confusion!