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My Mind Does not Exist Here


 I am willing to admit that with this disease there comes some mental issues, and things that I cannot help. As much as I try to put on a face of everything is great in my life and I have no problems at all.
  No one and I mean no one understands the mental issues that I have! I have been told I mope, and I use it as a cruch not to do anything, but what is missing and what they do not understand I exist in 2 different reality's. My mind exists in one and I in the other, and sometimes I do not know which is which.
  Really all anyone ever does is get upset when I do something they do not like, or maybe wrong, but for me in the moment I cannot help myself. weather it is buying a hat, or Playing a video game for Long periods of time. This is not something I enjoy, but I do not know how to stop it, and neither does my therapist!
    yelling at me or saying that I am doing this on  purpose is frustrating! for a moment put yourself in my shoes, just for a second believe with all your mind that you are sitting in your grandfathers lap, or couch and he is teaching you everything about baseball, and you are there that is where you exist, or you are in the Church that you grew up in as a child and playing with friends, and in that moment it is as real to you as anything you can imagine, and then someone comes and tries to talk to you in the present reality where I am 43 not 6 years old, and I am supposed to in the span of 2 seconds move from one reality to the other! Can someone explain to me what I am supposed to do in those situations? again my therapist can't. She fins it interesting that I have to have pictures of my grandfather to prove to myself that he is gone and he passed away when I was about 5.
   How would you want to be treated? some compassion? Love? or just yelling because you could help it if you want to but you just don't.
   Just for a second try as hard as it may be to understand that person, and love then anyway! Through all of this the Lord has taught me to love without Limits! His Love has none,. so why are we so harsh to Judge others when we have no Idea what is going on in there life.
   I feel alone. no one understands my faults or cares to try to help. We Just get mad and start venting at all the things that they  have ever done wrong in our life.
   Are you perfect? no faults? do you want people to help you with those or condemn you because you have them.
  I do not know why my mind is wired this way, or why I do the things I do, or why I don;t remember some of the things I do, but am I the only one with this problem? I can't just stop it. If I could have I would have never done it in the first place.
  So I am asking, begging, pleading, have patience with me I am not perfect, Just feel alone because no one seems to want to understand what is going on in my life. They just like to point out all the imperfections.
  I am sorry if I have let you down. I will do it again not on purpose but because I am a human being and that is what we do.
  after this post do me a favor look in the mirror and ask yourself. "is the person Looking back at me without fault? then if you do not mind post your answer! secondly ask yourself if you understand mental disease, how it works, what it does, and post your answer,. lastly ask yourself do I have compassion on those who have mental disorders or do I think it just a made up excuse to do what ever a person wants, and post your answer I am curious how many of you understand mental illness or even believe there is such a thing. Please let me know in the comments!
 My Mind Does not Exist here

Comments

  1. R MerrMay 30, 2020 at 2:35 PM

    With dystonia, there is so much I don’t understand about myself!! Things disconnect...people get frustrated but I’m thankful for their patience. Sometimes I need someone to repeat the same thing three times for my brain to grasp what they are saying...it’s like they aren’t speaking my language. I can’t explain it any better than that. I also totally forget what my hubby tells me about a schedule...just this week, I’m wondering where my family is. The store is closed...they should be home! Some 45 minutes later I remember something about a delivery. They had three deliveries....they did tell me...I totally forgot. If hubby has time, he now texts me to remind me of things because he knows I forget more than I remember. No,I am definitely not perfect. No, my brain in no way acts as it should. I know mental illness exists. Do I understand how it all works??Big resounding NO....and neither does anyone. The brain is an incredibly complex thing created by God that man will never understand. After my experiences, I never want to claim it’s made up...I have people that have thought that of me as you know. I know what that feels like...and I don’t do that to others. It’s excruciatingly painful to the heart. Love you...and hope the docs can help!! 💗💗💗

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