Weird Days

 It is turning into the Dog Days of Summer as they say here

  105 I think yesterday, I can't stand the heat. I prefer temperatures in the teens and twenties and I know I am in the minority , but that is Ok because I am used to it. I think my whole life I have been in the Minority because my brain doesn't work like anyone else has seen 

   I had my first therapy session. It was interesting we will see in the long run if it helps or not. Some say it has helped some say it has not. The thing everyone finds most interesting about my symptoms is that when I wake up in the morning it takes me awhile to figure out where and what time period in which I exist. This can be from ten minutes one morning to an hour the next. I wake up wanting and thinking that I am going to visit my grandfather and we are going to watch baseball, That is why I Love baseball He knew it well!, there is a great amount of strategy that goes into it that if not for him I would have never learned,    but the one part that has my psychiatrist and therapist baffled is that I tell them that my mind does not exist where I am, and they cannot understand it, but that is the only way I can explain it. I do not feel at home here.

  Oddly the only place where my mind seems to be at piece is sitting in Maine in the Yellow chair under "Dad's Tree" , That is for family who read this, or when I get towards New England some where, and no one can explain that to me, because they do not know, if asked where my home church was as a child I would say Hudson ave Baptist because that is what comes to mind first. I have been going to Victory Baptist in Kingfisher for more than 30 years, but if you said "home Church" that would not be my first thought.

   As I look back through the years anytime something affected me I did not talk about it I would wear a mask and move on, and maybe my mind is saying you can't move on anymore until things in the past have been dealt with. I do not know where this Road will go, but writing seems to help. No one has to read it. that is not the point. The Point is mental health is important I think for too long we have brushed it aside as someone "Doing things to hurt people" When really it can't be helped. We must remember our brain is a part of our body, which is now cursed yes I have weird days Disengaged Mental days but they must be dealt with, and I do not know how. 

 I am hoping I can get some coping skills from my therapist that will help, but we will see. Sometimes things get harder and harder to share and seen it written down by your own hand by your own mind, but it needs to be so. I see my therapist in a week and a half then my psychiatrist and we will go from there.

 I can tell you not feeling at home is not a fun feeling, but maybe the Dr's can find something that will help. 

   I have been going to a therapist for awhile now, I have been off my site. Too many conversations all at once in my head. I am trying to learn new ways to cope. Some have worked some have not, but the search will continue. As we head into National Dystonia Month.

   Yes I wrote this awhile ago , but I guess I never published it. so here it is