Thoughts of an Idiot

 Isn't interesting how the choices that we have made that we didn't know would effect our lives have, and decisions that others made for us effected them as well. We all look back, at least I do and wonder if a decision I made was the wrong one and f I had made another one would the outcome been different, but then I think this is the life I have been given it could have been taken from me at any time, there is not guarantee of a tomorrow. I may have a few mental and health problems, but who doesn't have a little crazy in them, and what is normal your normal is different from my normal so who can define what normal is?

  I do believe normal to be the Garden of Eden, but now everyones normal is different. Dystonia and what ever other mental problems I have are not fun it is a struggle for me everyday to get out of bed knowing that I still cannot go to work like I used to, but I have to do it. no one knows except those who have it the mental toll it takes to go day after day trying to find a purpose for why God is leaving you here. I know there is one, but for the life of me I cannot find one. as I go through the day it seems I Just wonder, and I try to think of things that I could do, but my mind is blank. Living off of the government is not where I saw myself or where I want to be, but maybe I am here so I can learn humility. 

while these ramblings ay not be interesting to you it helps me to write, and it may help someone else who is going through the same struggles. maybe that is what this blog is for? sharing these thoughts is difficult, but I believe we all have them we just put on a mask to cover how we feel the heartache the burdens that we feel everyday, the Loss that we feel.  I tis there we Just cover it up with a smile and do not let anyone in to see what or how we feel, but there is one who knows and can Comfort. and give Strength Like no other.

I know I am not the only one who has these thoughts when life does not go as we thought it would, but isn't that what life is Joy, yes disappointment, heartache, emotions that we don't even know how to express, but I have a Father who I can take them to and he knows what they are because he created them.

one more thought have you ever had an emotion that you had know idea what it was or a situation you couldn't handle, or a burden you could not bare? That is how I feel, But there is One who will will take those burdens and struggles, and help us along the way because I do not know about you, but this life thing I cannot do by myself. today is just some random thoughts I am a little Down, but sometimes that happens. so I put these down in a blog for someone to read maybe it will help some one just #Randomthoughtsofanidiot