Please Don't

 Living with mental illness or caring for someone who does is a journey that requires resilience, patience, and understanding. Unfortunately, even well-meaning comments can be hurtful or dismissive, especially when they stem from misconceptions. If you're seeking to support someone in this position, here are a few things you should avoid saying—and why.

1. “I understand what you’re going through.”

No, you don’t. Unless you have personally experienced the same mental illness or caregiving situation, you cannot truly understand what someone else is enduring. It’s okay to empathize—to acknowledge their pain and show that you care—but claiming understanding can come across as dismissive. Instead, say something like, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here to listen and support you.”

2. “Just think positive.”

Mental illness is not a mindset issue; it is a medical condition. Suggesting that someone can overcome their struggles through sheer willpower minimizes the seriousness of their condition. Positivity can help in some situations, but it is not a cure. A better approach is to ask, “How can I support you today?”

3. “Why don’t you try (Any unsolicited advice)?”

People with mental illness and their caregivers often hear advice ranging from diet changes to obscure therapies. While some suggestions might be helpful, offering unsolicited advice can feel overwhelming or patronizing. Trust that they are already seeking the best care they can. If you genuinely have something to share, ask permission first: “Would you like to hear about something that worked for someone I know?”

4. “At least it’s not(
[insert worse condition).”

Comparing struggles diminishes the person’s experience. Pain is not a competition, and everyone’s challenges are valid. Instead, validate their feelings by saying, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds really difficult.”

5. “You don’t look sick.”

Many mental illnesses are invisible, and comments like this can make someone feel invalidated. Just because you can’t see the struggle doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Acknowledge their experience by saying, “I may not see what you’re going through, but I believe you.”

6. Silence is okay.

If someone with mental illness or their caregiver isn’t responding in a conversation, it’s not necessarily because they aren’t listening. They might be processing what was said or struggling to find the right words. Respect their pace and give them the space they need. A simple “Take your time” can be reassuring.

7. “You’re so strong.”

While this might seem like a compliment, it can place undue pressure on someone to maintain a brave face. Strength is not a constant, and it’s okay to have moments of weakness. A better alternative is to say, “It’s okay to not be okay. I’m here for you.”

What You Can Do Instead

• Listen without judgment. Sometimes, the best support you can offer is simply being there and listening.

• Ask how you can help. Instead of assuming what they need, let them tell you.

• Educate yourself. Learn about their condition or caregiving challenges so you can offer informed support.

• Be patient. Healing and coping take time, and everyone’s journey is different.

Supporting someone with mental illness or their caregiver requires compassion, humility, and a willingness to learn. By choosing your words carefully and focusing on empathy rather than assumptions, you can make a meaningful difference in their lives.